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Unless the boy king’s back in town, there’s room in my galleries for those who know what they’re looking at. We’re trained to scan the floor for anyone at risk of mischief. I’m in the modern rooms most days; the playful, the subversive pieces gather here. An abstract that could be a landscape has the name of a woman. A sculpture that looks like a woman has legs from a piano. Everyone expects the polished white marble of the lunar bird to be cold and hard, and for most it is that, but in the hands of others the curves are muscled and quivering and warm. Your ticket doesn’t entitle you to that. For two hours on a Tuesday afternoon, I’ll poke my head into one room after another and see the same someone stalled before one and then another provocative piece. My guard reflexes twitch. I go to work. “She’s dangerous, isn’t she?” I ask. No one expects to be spoken to, not here, not by me, and there’s not a female figure in the painting, so the question is irrelevant at best, like code. She doesn’t answer, which is the right answer. We look. The paint is thick slabs of pigment laid on with a trowel, cracked in places, even flaky. The subject matter at this distance might be paint itself and how it draws us in. She knows better than to touch, but when I reach forward, we go in up to our elbows, and slipping these three dimensions, through the framed plane seek something curved like time that requires participation. Our fingers turn to animals: it’s time to bring her out. I sit her on the bench, and when it doesn’t rear up like a horse to throw her, I know I’ve done my job.

Copyright © August 20, 2007

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Artists dream, but not as we do. They live in the disassembled mosaic we escape to only in sleep. When they say: I had a dream, they might mean: the teapot told me or: I imagined. When we say: I’ve been dreaming about you, it’s because we’re too timid to say: My fantasy self penetrates and partially devours your fantasy self. Try it. Once should be enough. So I wonder: is this a dream I can share? I was at the office, right, but not the office? More like a gallery? And my boss was a painting? Not the whole painting, just one of the background figures you might not notice if you were listening to those headphones and the audio-guide told you to move along? Which I was? Because it was my boss’s voice over the headphones? And then I realized it was your voice? And that you were my boss? And learning that I tried to quit, but you said I hadn’t begun to do the job you had hired me to do so I couldn’t quit, because quitting implied that the job had failed me whereas it was me who had failed? That the job would have to quit me? So I cut you out of the painting and devoured you? And the guard had me arrested because you can misunderstand the paintings but you can’t eat them, but the judge didn’t want to convict me because his son hadn’t done his job either, the son’s job that is, but the jury was background people from other paintings, and they were unsympathetic because a lot of people had failed to notice them? So I’ve been sentenced to be in a painting where you’ll never find me? And all I want is for you to find me?

Copyright © November 16, 2006

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299-WORD NOVELS

Character, conflict, emotional impact. And sentences! Everything you want in a novel, without one extra syllable.
  1. davidbdale's avatar

    Thank you so much, anhinga, but I wouldn't want to try it without the other 199. —David

  2. davidbdale's avatar
  3. anhinga's avatar

    All you need is 100 words to make an emotional impact. Touching.

  4. Unknown's avatar

    Brilliant, brother. Just simply brilliant.

  5. davidbdale's avatar

    This Very Short Novel has a strong resemblance to Simple Lessons of War from almost 20 years ago, but is…

Behind the Pseudonym

The pen name davidbdale honors my mother Beatrice (Bea) and my father Dale

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