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When I was going-on-six we nearly blew up the railroad station. By my birthday, we’d managed it. I only know because it’s gone. The rest, including these scars, is fog in the attic. Back then we got explosives easier than rum. The ten-year-olds figured out how to render the volatile agent from unexploded land mines in boiling water and pack it into cakes they could ignite with an improvised fuse, knowledge I had to earn with heroics. That I remember like a verse. A stand of birch trees loomed like soldiers to our West. We chopped them down with submachine guns cleaner than chainsaws. The woods we defended were chunky with abandoned munitions. Once gathered and sorted, to keep them from rivals, we stowed them under floorboards in a shed outside barracks that were once a country church. We’d meet after school, grab arms, wrestle with their rusty actions, and hike down to the tracks. Grenades were for kids with all their fingers, but I had my own Uzi and a Colt sidearm nobody else wanted with plenty of bullets. If we’d been school shooters, the mothers would have wailed about who armed the killer instead of where he got his motivation. We played with the toys we were given. For the freight station exercise, the older boys set blast cakes beneath the stationmaster’s desk and laid a powder trail as a fuse. They wouldn’t let me see. Survivors say I took it badly, that I fired into the treetops, that something crashed through the branches, that it thudded onto the roof. They wouldn’t let me see. Next they say I threw my pistol to the ground, a round discharged, another thud. Again I demanded to see. But then the blast. Then here. Then now. Wherever whenever this is.

Original Copyright © February 13, 2007
Revised Copyright © February 07, 2026

When the wall’s blank, I’m just another subway rider; when it’s been graffitied, I’m a duty cop looking at evidence; when it’s a page of autobiography, it sees me like a mirror, like your cousin from the Bronx; but it ain’t art, and I’m no critic. The taggers call me Ugly Joe or Officer Ugly. They’re clever like that. Can’t even write their own names legible. When they’re bustin my chops, they use stencils and a picture they made from my department ID. It’s a favorite topic for your vandalwriters, my supposable sexual practices: Ugly Joe Blanks Blank sort of genius. But this guy. This guy tells a story I recognize from the neighborhood, one wall at a time, with page numbers. Except we don’t find them numerical over the years we’re chasing him. There are gaps. Now that we snagged a CCTV image—Vic Damone haircut, subway worker’s uniform—I see how he managed it, ladder and a bucket, maybe a clipboard, on what grounds was he reasonably suspicious, my sergeant would ask. Hours it must take. First the primer, gotta let it dry, then a wall of sentences, neat page number, signature you can read, no swear words, no threats. Hardly seems criminal. I’ve been to his schools, his church, his subway stop. He’s born at Montefiore, same as me, page 146. You think he’s an art school kid, but no—steelwork, dockwork, hump and grunt. Dad’s a cop, retired like mine. We know his height at age 15. We know his best girl’s complexion. There’s things we don’t know, like why not on paper, instead of places only I seem to find. Maybe Earsnot, Dybyk335, maybe they know. I’ll ask them, next time I detain them. If [stricken] ever is arrested, it’ll be some rookie doesn’t appreciate the significance.

Original Copyright © February 01, 2007
Revised Copyright © January 31, 2026

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  1. davidbdale's avatar

    This is a close relative of a Very Short Novel titled Short for Family from 20 years ago. The revisions…

  2. davidbdale's avatar

    This is a close relative of a Very Short Novel titled Red Water from 30 years ago. It's different enough,…

  3. grantman's avatar

    Interesting piece which touches on many aspects of getting old especially the part where we don't fit anymore. Having worked…

  4. davidbdale's avatar
  5. davidbdale's avatar

    This is a close relative of an early post titled Something Delicious from 20 years ago. This revised version is different enough,…

Behind the Pseudonym

The pen name davidbdale honors my mother Beatrice (Bea) and my father Dale

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