Monthly Archive

Whatever age they tell me I am, they’re wrong. Today they concocted a number that ended in eight. Eight! I know it’s Sunday because they’ve wheeled me to the atrium, with all this glass, to crisp like a taco under a heat lamp. With my heart! Inhale, gentle soul, hold that breath, count without numbers, release, repeat without counting. Merge with the familiar furniture of here, let the clock stop at now, resist resisting, make peace with existence, put next on hold. Maybe today I’ll be released to my real life. A door slams. Here come the young ones shining, pink, and squeaky in their visitor outfits, with fresh air freckles and fragrant hair. A young girl is breaking my heart by withholding a hug, so I know that much about love, but I can’t say how I learned it. An image clogs the drain of my memory, but it doesn’t  relate to these photos my visitor shows me of someone she calls by my name. The tickertape parade photo suggests he killed others to defend something noble. He’s not me; I’m me; but this girl who knows me yearns for me to recognize him, so I do. I know my story without a scrapbook. One I was a businessman because I think in terms of loss and how it might profit me. Two I was raised with church because my swear words are all blasphemous. Three I had a family to feel as orphaned as I do. This nice girl wants to take me home with her, but she insists my dignity’s involved. Shouldn’t I be in charge of that? I’ll make no more compromises for that imposter in those photos. If she takes me in, I’ll make a glorious mess. I shall have the indignity I’ve earned.

Copyright © December 10, 2006